Skip to main content

Let Silence make Noise



An encounter :
An 8th standard girl who is expected to be all smiles and happy during her evening play hours caught my attention as she wasn’t doing the expected. She sat in a corner, fiddling with something and stared. Something about her disturbed me and I managed to befriend her. One day as I stood up to leave, she told me that her mother was strict and had no time to listen to her. And I smiled and assured her that I would listen whenever she needed. As I walked away, I said a prayer that let her not have anything that I fret to tell me. The very next day, as usual, after my work, I caught up with her. It was always more of a monologue. I kept talking about various things and she continued staring with occasional glances. That day when I stood up to say bye, she held my hand and said “I don’t like my father.” My heart sank because I dreaded something of this sort coming up. I held her close and the story she told me, I’d like to keep to myself. She is taken care of today. Oh, her parents are doctors. The father is a renowned surgeon. Just saying!




Born into a Christian household, I grew up listening to the story of the Garden of Eden. Everything was beautiful. And as I grew up, I also found goodness in the ‘apparent sin’ because to me it gave mankind emotions and feelings. They made love and generations followed. But now I wish we could go back there. To that beautiful place. 

Today, there is so much distress around us – terrorism, poverty, hunger, pollution, diseases, natural disasters and so on. But when did mankind take that disgraceful leap of looking at children with lustful eyes? And if you are all thinking that I’m talking of girls - Hell NO. It is both boys and girls. Our children.

Studies have come up with staggering numbers which prove that child abuse is mostly ‘a known circle’ phenomenon. When mishaps take place on road or such premises, it could be unexpected. Accepted.

But when almost 75% of the children are facing such issues within their household, how is it that we don’t realise? 
How is it that we can be so ignorant?
If we can’t keep the child sleeping in the room next to ours safe, then why bring them into this world? 
Why is it that in most cases, though the children feel something is not right, they still decide to keep their mouths shut? 
Why are they so scared to tell us that they are in trouble? 
Why is it so embarrassing for us to sit with our children and teach them about their own body and bodily functions with the same ease as teaching them how India got independence? 
What is so embarrassing in giving your spouse a kiss in front of your son or daughter?
Why is ‘sex’ a bad thing that it is considered inappropriate? *And God save everyone who thinks that just because you have not used the word, the children don’t know what it is.*

I don’t wish to give my perspective or answers to the above questions because I live in a society where the mind voice on reading such a piece would be – 
“So sad right. So many people go through this. What can we do?” <Go find an ideal match for the next girl in the family or sit and watch T.V. serial. That is what you are capable of.>
OR
“See. Such things happen. What will the future of child be if we bring it up? Past is past. This all part of life.” < Oh yes. Unless your future has something like a rape awaiting to happen in your family or yourself, you will continue basking in your ignorance.> *God forbid*
OR
“We are doing everything we can. By chance something like this happen, children should tell us right. How will we know otherwise?” <Continue bringing them up with the notion that sex is bad and scare them. Sure thing they will open up to you! You open your eyes.>

Incest is among the cruelest and most baling of human experiences. It is a betrayal of the most basic trust between a child and an adult. A parent is supposed to be a protector and a nurturer. Incest betrays the very heart of childhood—its innocence.

One of the many reasons why people don’t disclose abuse is worry about what people will say. Sexual abusers thrive in this secrecy. Breaking the secrecy is often the first step in ending the cycle of abuse. 

To the majority of the people living in this country, may I say – I know you believe that life is about studying and becoming an engineer, doctor or businessman; then marrying; then reproducing. Thereafter bring up the kids and marry them off and expect them to reproduce as soon as possible. Just a reminder – In the journey of prepping them for marriage, make sure they have scar free childhoods. 

Make children your friends. Let them feel like they can share anything with you. Be it such mishaps or their crushes.

And to all those ladies and gentlemen, who spared time to read this and then sighed – “Thank God. Such things haven’t happened to our children.” Well, How sure are you?

Celebrate childhood. But never forget to celebrate Parenthood. Coz when the latter happens, the former follows. 

P.S: Yes. I am not a mother. I wouldn’t know how that feels exactly. But I am daughter. 
And I also know that I will think a 100 times over when I decide to be a mother and do my best to celebrate it.  




Labels:

Comments

  1. UnknownNovember 17, 2015 at 4:45 AM

    That was a good read. Before I start commenting on the matter discussed I'd like to point out some corrections. You said "Incest is among the cruelest and most baling of human experiences". Incest means sexual relations between close relatives(cousin, sibling, uncles, parents). They could also be consensual. That is a debate for a different time. What you meant, I presume, was pedophilia, rape, non-consensual sex, sexual harassment of minors any of those.

    There are many reasons why most people usually don't protest, there's the usual, that you have mentioned. Then there's one that particularly bothers me. Prayer. Yes, it makes, otherwise good people, lethargic in terms of protesting. They'd think of it as God's Great Plan, or good things happen to good people and the lot of religious theories. I've read some of your work and I feel people must be taught to keep god out of such topics(I'd prefer god out of all topics but that's not going to happen). And if that must happen literature must reflect it. People must learn to take responsibility for human actions and not leave it upto rapture.

    And yes I do agree, most parents have absolutely no idea what's happening to their children, be it in school, with friends, studies anything. Planned parenthood that's what we need. I have never met a couple who has even thought to read at least a single piece of literature before deciding to have kids. Everyone's educated, but that is limited to work, school, college not to be applied in their own lives. Would they read after their first bump with parenting. No! Let's wing it. How hard can it be; I turned out okay. No you did not! Period.

    thoughts?

    - A blasphemous infidel

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Desert RoseNovember 17, 2015 at 7:56 PM

      Thank you so much.

      About the use of incest. Like I mentioned majority of such cases seems to be happening in the household so I was just focusing on the lustful gestures within the know circle. But as you said, it is subjective and vast. Abuse is definitely not just about physical harrassment.

      And I am completely with you on the point of Religion and Adults preparing for parenting, High time we open our eyes.

      Delete
  2. PremachandranNovember 17, 2015 at 10:38 AM

    Well written..Proud of you!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Desert RoseNovember 17, 2015 at 7:57 PM

      Thank you uncle. You have always been a positive strength for me.

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Holding hands through changing contexts

 A few years ago, my two friends and I bonded over snacks and chat during our recess at school. Each of us struggled with different types of math problems, we had different dreams to chase, and we struggled with different challenges. Then one day we took off to different places to chase our dreams. Of course, we made promises to stay in touch; we shed tears because we thought we can’t live without each other, and we made our parents promise us national roaming plans so that we could talk our hearts out. Fast forward – more than a decade later - multiple milestones, wins, and falls later – we three managed to transcend and keep it together. Technology nurtured our bond and it worked fine. Then one day, we decided to take some time to catch up in person in another country. It was a dream and fortunately, it was simply beautiful. On reflecting upon my experience of being part of a close group for so many years, I penned down a few things before and after the trip – BEFORE When we ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Motion in Emotion - It is for a reason

Over the years, I have observed that doing extraordinary things is sometimes a little easier than doing the ordinary and necessary. We often deliver projects well or achieve more than our target for the month but would not have managed to make our bed, cook our meal or take a walk. In the literal sense, extraordinary is that which needs a little extra but looks like we're living in a time where the extra is what the ordinary tasks require.  Over the last decade, health has been a portfolio where I've tried to invest consistently. My personal experiences within the family, watching some near one's bargain for more time and witnessing some hitting the finish line, have been growing on me steadily. Even in the most casual conversations, when I hear a statement or comment where the body and life we have is taken for granted, it gets me restless and sad.  I always embraced routine and the ordinary. It genuinely helps me even through the days when my extraordinary plans don't...
Post a Comment
Read more

Life lessons from everyday things – By the sink

Off late, there is so much banter around the heat. This year, the summer has pushed us all to sweat it out without having to really sweat it out. After every such conversation, I think of the summers while I was growing up. I mean, we grew up in the Middle East so the “we know how hot it can get” sort of attitude does come across subtly!  These seasons change the nitty-gritty of our everyday life in such a significant manner, though we don’t really notice most of it. The summer was harsh where we grew up – like so hot. We were privileged enough to not experience the brunt of it with the comfort of moving into air-conditioned facilities. However, some things screamed summer and made life difficult. Picture this: exposed pipes running through our house like fiery serpents, heating up the water as it made its way from tank to tap. It's like the water itself was trying to stage a rebellion against our attempts to stay cool. The time it stays in the pipeline, it just heated up all the m...
Post a Comment
Read more