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Bad days

Some days we get it all wrong. Sometimes we just have one of those days, where things happen to you over and over again, as if someone up above is testing to see if you really want to have a good day.
At least I do.

A little something that's been brewing up inside my head leads to everything else. And then even before I realize, I just want to run and close myself in a room.

I sit down and go through every scene of my 'bad day'.
What all did I do?
What did not go too well?
Why did I say it or do it?
I try to justify myself as much as I can ; as hard as I can.

I repeat great lines to my own brains - " It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case you fail by default." or shorter ones like - "Life is tough darling, but so are you.".

I deceive myself like I'm going to fix myself and look for options for distraction and engagement. It keeps going for a while and then even before I realize or can give a whack on my head, I'm back to feeling angry, upset and helpless - all at the same time.

But I somehow get through the day. We all do.

I recently observed my process though. My repair actually happens when I go to bed in the night. It is not that I get over my 'bad day' completely. As I lie down there, thinking of everyone's feelings but my own, the therapy begins. Strange.
The dark. The calm. The silence. The one fix that works.
And lucky with good companionship.

How are your 'bad days'? In case, you are having one, I'm just saying that I'm trying too. So is your friend who is pursuing their dream career; and also that person sitting next to you during the metro ride; that guy who came by to drop your swiggy order as well.

"Every one of us is losing something precious to us. Lost opportunities, lost possibilities and feelings we can never get back again. That's part of what it means to be alive." - Haruki Murakami

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