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What was I thinking?

What was I even thinking?



Some days you just can't stop wondering about this.
Some soups we get ourselves into, leave us questioning our own self over and over again.
Some people we choose make us wonder about our capacity to analyze or make choices.
Some of these situations are such a mess that though we make ourselves believe that we have moved on, very often we keep going back trying to understand why it took that path. 


Whoever it may be or whatever situation it was, we definitely knew what we were feeling.
But then - what were we thinking? Or, did we think at all?


In some way or the other way, most of us are trying to sort something like this at all points. 
A couple of days after me and my friend spoke about this aspect, I happened to read a note I'd written to myself in one of my older notebooks. 
"What was I thinking? - I clearly wasn't thinking.
Why wasn't I thinking? - Because I was busy feeling and I guess some aspect of it was good at that moment."


I tried applying this whole process to every situation in the past that has made me question myself.
It made sense. It felt better. In many cases, it even brought a smile when I went back to the reason that got myself into that situation.


It is not like someone taught us this life skill. C'mon! Which school or curriculum takes any kind of interest in mentoring us to steer through our thoughts and work on ourselves.
Well, so much subject knowledge to be covered that even the P.E. classes have to convert to physics or math. 


We end up being busy sorting situations in our lives, mostly because of our poor initial decisions. Our first thoughts are usually never the best thoughts because it is almost always someone else's - something we have already heard about in a similar situation or conventional wisdom or even us just soaking in all the newness and fun. We do our best thinking by slowing down and concentrating (the one thing that many of us are trying to incorporate in our lifestyle but failing very often).


People say walk away from this, that and everything toxic. Yes, we have to. 
But sometimes it becomes a pre-requisite to remind yourself about why you walked into it. It makes the whole process of walking away a tad bit easier. 



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