As good as my last lecture

It was in my 9th grade that I decided what I'd pursue as a career. I am not able to recollect when it all began and how I picked up Architecture as a potential profession. I remember my parents taking me to career counseling sessions and doing everything in their capacity to make sure I take an informed decision. When I look back, I believe I tailored the results of those sessions myself. In my head, I had that career implanted - so every questionnaire and every one on one interview - all boiled down to a career in design. 

But what I strongly remember is that I never chose architecture because I wanted to run my own firm or work in an architectural studio - I don't believe I said that out loud!

To be associated with the construction industry with a deep understanding of design so as to execute and get a project running was why I took this path. I knew it before I started my studies, but somewhere down the line, with the fraternity being inclined towards only the obvious career options - that is to work in a studio or having your own firm - I think, I too lost track of why I was there and what I needed to do. 

When I got admission for Architecture, I remember many people reminding me about how it is difficult to thrive in professions like Design, Law, and Medicine. At that point too, in my head, I knew that my intent then was not to practice design. Somehow before my formal association with the fraternity began, I had a better idea about the sea of opportunities this discipline would open up for me. 

It took me a few years really to -

a) to remind myself why I chose this vertical

b) to tell myself that the path I wanted to take is not that of a complete design professional

c) to reassure myself that the work I do must be my best foot forward and not just the "image" the degree portrayed.

It is in between all this forgetting and reminding, that I stepped into the role of an academician. My mother always thought that this path would work well for me but how could she tell her "Architect" daughter to teach. There clearly was a phase of "Oh she's teaching" from my close circle of friends and family that I let get to me - thankfully not anymore (I did the drill - the whole business of reminding whatever I forgot of why I chose to do what I am doing). 

Recently I got my hands on some of my career counseling documents from my school days - it had design, management (with people management being a specific vertical), leadership, and communication as strengths. For a brief period, I did not think that any of this other than design should define me. That is what most of us do too.

Somewhere down the road, we let certain aspects define us. We believe that if that doesn't, then it has all gone wrong. 

Today, I am using every bit of what I studied - but no, I am not full-time designing.

I am exploring every aspect that was considered fitting for me during my counseling sessions in school. I am pursuing studies in the vertical for which I chose Architecture in the first place.  

It is over a decade of being part of this privileged fraternity and the point I am at today is very much how I had conceived it at the beginning. It was all a blur in between only because I let a lot of influence into my system without a filter - strong enough to alter my purpose of being in the profession. 

There are a lot of people who go through this phase and some call it a mid-life crisis, some give up and some push their way forward.  My sister's journey too has something significant in this direction.

"Boy, did I sleep well the day I decided to hit the brakes on the career choice I made in school! Every experience gathers perspective and learning. Even though I didn't (and still don't) agree on this when my sister pushed me to take Mathematics in grade 11, it's true. I chose this path, and the years I spent waddling along it wasn't in vain. But at some point, I wanted to switch tracks and test the waters. While I can confidently claim that my acumen revolving around life was in the right place, I couldn't get myself to take the final leap. I foresaw all the possible blame and finger-pointing and lectures that would come my way, that I kept pushing myself. Looking out a window and hoping you had made the change years back might feel warm and scenic in a movie, but in real life, it's an arrow to your heart. I knew this, and I still took time to let in the courage that had been knocking at my doors."  - Flynn 

In my experience, most people have strong reasoning when they start off something. There is a whole story we tailor for ourselves in our minds. But as we embark on the journey, quite often than not, the very essence is lost. The drill of reminding ourselves of those tiny yet valid reasons might help us to explore and yet stay on track. 

There are a lot of opportunities and an insane quantum of work that needs to get done. Choose what suits you and give it your best shot. But in this myriad of opportunities, let the urge be to do what looks good on you and not what looks good on many others.  And when I say this, I don't mean that your career will always be in line with what you love doing - but it must be a role where you can perform and grow. 

(Relationship between career and passion - needs a whole other blog entry)

For design professionals - In this race, let no one have to remind you that your job must pay your bills from your twenties. If anyone tells you that since you are in this profession, that transaction is allowed only from your 30's and 40's - please ask them for complete reasoning. Or don't bother talking to them about it - just demand what you deserve to your boss. 

In the world we live in, there is no way to go about than to thrive in what you are doing. Each of us is replaceable at any moment and permanent is just another word in the dictionary. 

Every day, I remind myself - I am just as good as my last lecture. 

(This is not in a toxic way of burdening myself. It is to keep my fire burning and to make sure that each day I see a better version of myself)