A bag of misplaced goodies for 2023

There are choices you make that put the well-being of your tribe first. You make an effort to persuade yourself that it will ultimately bring you happiness. But some days you see yourself holding on to words like “if”.

There are some relationships in which you invest much more than you had anticipated. Later, you spend days building a narrative in your head about why things don’t look the same anymore, despite everything.

There are those people for whom you made space with effort but then they got conditioned to it and stopped seeing beyond. You do everything you can to shift your perspective to “no expectations” but the mind resists.

Viscous cycle or what?

The last decade has been this for me – And, it has been going on long enough for my bones to feel it!

2022 was a great year for me in terms of hitting certain milestones and doing it well. In that light, I should be wrapping up the year on a high note, byet there seems to be confusion and discontent in a certain sense.

After giving it some thought and attempting to break it down before the year was over, I realized that the issue might have developed as a result of a shift in my good aim during the past few years. I've been focused on giving others the benefit of the doubt when anything went wrong, and I didn't pay attention to how it made me feel. Can we call this "chasing empathy mindlessly"?

I can’t help but think about the instances when I had a crappy day myself but tried to be a good listener, the days when I was exhausted from my long hours but still fitted in time for someone who needed it, and the times when I needed to be home but instead figured a way to keep the show running.  I am beginning to realize that I have conditioned myself to this and those around me.

When there is misplaced empathy, you could harm yourself.
When there is misplaced self-care, you could be harming someone around you. 

It is funny that as I close out this year which witnessed some well-earned moments, I feel exhausted, disoriented, and discontent. It might sound like arrogance to a few, but it is an honest reflection. What’s there to shy away from feelings that matter? 

It’s our honesty with ourselves that helps us make sense of our lives with all of their nuances and complexity. Repress those thoughts, and you’ll likely behave “badly.” Acknowledge them, and you’ll grow.

 

There is a whole lot of misplaced empathy, a bit of envy, an ounce of discontent, a whole lot of worries and yet ample gratitude in my bag to start 2023. And, I really don’t know what to do with this bag of mine, but something tells me that the coming year will be a significant one in my journey of keeping it together.

I checked off my list in style and yet.
So maybe the checklist wasn’t a balanced one? Or maybe the decisions weren’t?

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At the end of 2022, how is your checklist looking?
More importantly, how are you feeling?