Desert Rose

I hear the waves gushing towards the shore, then breaks across the slowly rising sand. I watch you weep and my feelings pour, because it is beyond what I understand. All your pain is just enough to melt my chest, and all those violent storms could pass through me and come to rest. Maybe no words can set things right, no miracle can brighten your way, but there is a solace in this friend and comfort even in what I don’t say. Whatever it is you can’t bear, or maybe your too happy to even care, but either ways if you turn to me, you will find me there. Because you will never fully understand how you have touched my life and made me who I am, so the promise of friendship is all i can give.

This piece is not the result of the ‘feminist’ or ‘activist’ in me. It is the thoughts running in the mind of a ‘baffled girl’ as a result of the recent epidemic of ‘rape’ that India is fighting or rather staring at. “A society that is unable to respect, protect and nurture its women and children loses its moral moorings and runs adrift.” Her journey starts from the womb. The first task is to be able to step into this world without being killed because the number of female fetuses which don’t make it run in millions. Even before conception, they utter prayers, make vows, observe fasts, bow before this or that divinity, all so they might not remain childless or burdened with the debit side of the account – the girl child.  Now once she makes it to this world, she turns out to be the ‘treasure’ nobody wants and her interests are often subordinated to those of the real treasure, the male sibling. Her nutritional and educational needs, like her emotional needs, are made subs...

I sit and look back to how far I can remember, and he was always there next to me. Every day he helped me grow up, And making me be the best that I can be. I sit and think of what it is now. Do I feel pain? No. Numb I am. I had never before seen so many shades of gray. Is everything well? It kind of is. But is something wrong? Of course it is. I wonder if people around notice… the solitary dash in my eyes. Can you? I sit at my desk and think; What do people do … When that one strong reason in your life weakens a bit? When that one reason that you exist is vulnerable? I don’t know but I know that this bond… It is profound, forever and the most reliable. I walk ahead with so much to look after; with so many leaning on me. As I walk, I know that I will come out of it; with him. Because from the moment a daughter‘s eyes meet her father’s, the two souls instantly become complete.  

The above image reflects what runs through most of our minds when we hear ‘vacation at Goa’. But for desert rose it was much more! Ever since I joined university for under graduation, I have made several trips to different parts of the country and of course each one of it was memorable in its own ways. So then the question would be why a blog entry only about this trip? Guess reading this will give you the answer. Each of my previous trips has made me realize how much more India has than what we think. Be it the grandeur of architecture, breath taking natural beauty, varied cultures, traditions & lifestyles, amazing markets both day & night, myths & stories and so much more. But when I reached Goa, it took a while to take in the fact that it was part of India. A state so much part of this country but way different… way liberal… and to put it in the language of youth, way cooler! A place where having beer instead of water to quench your thirst feels the same...

I took another thoughtful drag Thinking, "That's some dirty shit" I don't know why it had to happen.. As soon as I light one up, it is already time to quit. Expectation and anticipation is all I have. But yes, reality is nothing close to dream. I made castles in my mind, so knowing how it is going to be. But an imagined deep-sea is only life's brook. This is what I think. It's not here. That is for sure. As you stand before me, I may merely seem like an image. It seems like I only make you feel timid. I ask myself every night. Is there an end to this feeling.. pain..? A vagrant cannot rest or learn to be content I know I can never pretend. And you do too. Some days we have to be honest. You know exactly how I feel. But can you love a rock,   Drifting towards an unseen sea? Because soon I will fade from the scene. Someday I might knock on your door. Wondering if I was dreaming alone. I have settled to suffer, in return for my...

She did not expect it would flash this bright, every other day; barely do they bring the least delight, pain being felt so strong ; choked. All the mistakes, she helped this life to commit, when desire once ripped apart the special bonds; but now out of pain, she is numb, she silently cries, ‘pull me out if you can!’ All the mistakes, her life or fate? she doesn’t regret but still it hurts; When the waves break, why did she hesitate? Then why these accusing voices, these excusing thoughts? Without the hate in her torn heart; the gate o f new beginnings opens slowly, so m eet her halfway or go; because she can only speculate on where these feelings came from.

For the first time since the Mumbai terror attacks, I felt that shiver down my spine. Even before I got time to take in the Connecticut school massacre , there comes the next – everyone saying ‘gang rape’ but from what I have been reading, this isn’t rape – it’s far worse!  This is not to say that other tragedies have left me untouched . It’s just that what scares me more than anything else is the inhuman face of terror, brutality and cold blooded cruelty. Even I belong to the student community where travelling through different transportation systems, through all kinds of places and most importantly at very odd timings is a necessity . Whenever I step out, I have this feeling – it is cool. . what can happen .. my friends are also there.. I will be fine etc etc. Probably my mother’s sleepless nights in prayers while am travelling has kept me safe so far – I don’t know! She stepped out that day like always.. Am sure she spend some happy time with her ...