Desert Rose

Sitting at home for a month and listening to a lot of conversations on ‘future’ and ‘life’ from every possible person around, I got to thinking – how much does it take to be happy? Will following our own will work? Or do we just keep doing things for people around us? Or do we strike a balance between the two? Now if that’s the case, can everyone actually get the balance right?  When I was a little girl and came to Kerala for annual vacations, there were many characters that caught my attention. But with time, I saw them seldom and I thought I had forgotten them over time. That’s when, 2 days back; “sayvu” (that’s what they all call the man who came to sell fish early in the morning) came to my doorstep. I remember my mother telling me how she has seen him since her childhood and so when I saw him after all these years, I was startled that he’s still into business. So I got to talking. So this is how his days have been since 40 years or so. Get up at 2am and be off to the...

I’ve probably known about the Taj Mahal since I was seven years old; it’s one of those iconic monuments whose form is burned into your world imagery at childhood. I’ve seen it on the calendars, the incredible India bus, cards, as pieces of decoration, on television but I hadn’t ‘seen’ it until last month. From my childhood days, I remember asking my father to plan a trip so that I could see the Taj Mahal but he would say that summer break was too hot in Agra and winter break was too cold and that both these timings would make me fall sick. And of course the rest of the year I had school. (I am sure he tried but probably it wasn’t time yet.) So after a really long wait, Desert Rose went to see this symbol of love last month and yes she loved it. The Taj Mahal is one of those works of genius craftsmen that when you actually experience it in person you finally get it. You get why you’ve seen pictures of this place since you were a kid; you get why millions of people com...

I was watching her sleep yesterday night; And prayed that it would last. The peace that rested on her face; I'd never noticed that comfort in the past. I was watching her speak a while ago; And hoped that she’d go on. Her words, they had no end; Her s pirit seemed so strong. I watched her fight through the last few days; And prayed to wipe those tears. All this I knew was happening for a reason; But still wondering what. When I need strength, I picture her; And all the times that she has been through. She is my sanity, inspiration; No. She is more than that. Tears, years, fears and all of that; The many days and goodbyes; All the fears I hold inside and the tears that leave my eyes; And then the light shines through; It is her. For changing with me as I changed; Accepting all my flaws; Not loving cause she had to, but loving just because. I will always be there to hold her hand. I will love her till eternities. 

The clock keeps ticking and it  doesn't  stand still; if the thunder  doesn't  get us, then lightening will. Strength is not found in the fertile lands or cozy evenings; it is to be hewn out of stark rock faces and fragmented mind. There is no halfway between dawn and dusk; the journey has to be travelled step by step and with pride. Your path may not be theirs and your sky may not be the same; nor your world their world though you share in that a matrix of dreams. I stretch my wings to fly and flutter upward to the light; off into the azure sky and how I yearn for that delight! I’m older now and wiser too and know the vengeance due; but it matters not for I am changed and my heart’s not dead, just rearranged.

I hear the waves gushing towards the shore, then breaks across the slowly rising sand. I watch you weep and my feelings pour, because it is beyond what I understand. All your pain is just enough to melt my chest, and all those violent storms could pass through me and come to rest. Maybe no words can set things right, no miracle can brighten your way, but there is a solace in this friend and comfort even in what I don’t say. Whatever it is you can’t bear, or maybe your too happy to even care, but either ways if you turn to me, you will find me there. Because you will never fully understand how you have touched my life and made me who I am, so the promise of friendship is all i can give.

This piece is not the result of the ‘feminist’ or ‘activist’ in me. It is the thoughts running in the mind of a ‘baffled girl’ as a result of the recent epidemic of ‘rape’ that India is fighting or rather staring at. “A society that is unable to respect, protect and nurture its women and children loses its moral moorings and runs adrift.” Her journey starts from the womb. The first task is to be able to step into this world without being killed because the number of female fetuses which don’t make it run in millions. Even before conception, they utter prayers, make vows, observe fasts, bow before this or that divinity, all so they might not remain childless or burdened with the debit side of the account – the girl child.  Now once she makes it to this world, she turns out to be the ‘treasure’ nobody wants and her interests are often subordinated to those of the real treasure, the male sibling. Her nutritional and educational needs, like her emotional needs, are made subs...

I sit and look back to how far I can remember, and he was always there next to me. Every day he helped me grow up, And making me be the best that I can be. I sit and think of what it is now. Do I feel pain? No. Numb I am. I had never before seen so many shades of gray. Is everything well? It kind of is. But is something wrong? Of course it is. I wonder if people around notice… the solitary dash in my eyes. Can you? I sit at my desk and think; What do people do … When that one strong reason in your life weakens a bit? When that one reason that you exist is vulnerable? I don’t know but I know that this bond… It is profound, forever and the most reliable. I walk ahead with so much to look after; with so many leaning on me. As I walk, I know that I will come out of it; with him. Because from the moment a daughter‘s eyes meet her father’s, the two souls instantly become complete.